Maxim Reviews

Nice job Maxim! You could almost be forgiven for giving the new Black Crows record 2.5 stars without ever having listened to it (aren't all Black Crows records the same?), but you got caught reviewing the new Nas record... when he hasn't even finished recording it!

Since when did Maxim start including words, by the way?

Here's the response from Nas:

"I'm finishing the album now, and it will be out April 22," Nas told the New York Post's Page Six. "I'd prefer [a review from] Playboy," he added. "That kind of stuff doesn't reach my radar or effect anybody around me. I don't know what a music rating from Maxim is . . . I don't know what it even means really."

In the spirit of Maxim's contributions to journalism excellence, I have decided to Maxim-ize a few reviews of my own, having never heard a note of these records.

• R.E.M. - Title TBD (due some time in April). Decent attempt to re-live the 90's, but Michale Stipe and the GA boys fail yet again. 2 stars out for 5


• Coldplay - Title TBD (Due sometime this Spring). Zzzzzzzzzzzz. More non-offensive British moping over piano. Nothing earth-shattering, but decent enough for background music. Expect to hear in a Grey's Anatomy commercial any day now. 3 stars out of 5


• Madonna - Title TBD (No idea). Crappy dance music; vocals fed through millions of dollars worth of computers, and a pitiful attempt at speak/rapping. 1 star out of 5


• Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping (Oct.) Hipster band still not accessible enough for radio, but pasty, trendy indie kids can't get enough of this album. 4 stars out of 5